


now i drive alone past your street

by loriedapotxto



Series: mcyt fanfics :] [4]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bittersweet Ending, Gen, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Im bad at summaries, Protective Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Wilbur Soot, Rated T for swearing, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, i cant tag im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29085357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loriedapotxto/pseuds/loriedapotxto
Summary: Tommy remembers it oh so well. He and Tubbo were mere juniors in college, spending half of their time being idiots with their friends, and the rest of their time trying to study for exams. Tubbo promised him he would be there when he got his driver’s license, so he wouldn’t have to keep bothering the brunette about driving him somewhere.Tubbo broke his promise, but it wasn’t Tubbo’s fault. It was Tommy’s.OR: the dream smp college au fic where tubbo promised tommy he would be there when tommy got a drivers license, but tubbo never did; because of the downfall of his and tubbo’s friendship, their whole friend group slowly leaves tommy until he’s the only one left.[Title from drivers license by Olivia Rodrigo]
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound, Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Minor or Background Relationship(s), One-Sided Niki | Nihachu/Wilbur Soot, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Tommyinnit & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, everything else is platonic after that
Series: mcyt fanfics :] [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122227
Comments: 16
Kudos: 327





	now i drive alone past your street

**Author's Note:**

> im not in college yet so forgive me if there are any errors :c
> 
> i recommend listening to drivers license by olivia rodrigo by the dec. 29th timestamp bc it just fits with the theme!
> 
> also, this is inspired by this [ fic ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28689309)! give it some love because holy crap i don’t really ship dreamnap, but this fic is pure angst and it made me want to ship dreamnap kJNHBGVEDW
> 
> also we ignore huge age differences in this fic, lets just say tommys the youngest and wilburs the 2nd oldest and techno is the oldest but not by plenty years-
> 
> ALSO COVID DOESNT EXIST IN THIS AU-
> 
> and in this au, tubbo, dream, purpled, niki, lani, and drista are all siblings :)
> 
> and and, the ships in this are DreamNotFound, Karlnap and Wilbur x Niki- i dont ship them irl, i just ship their mc personas (ik niki and wilbur dont want to be shipped w each other- im sorry about that but i just needed to add it for the plot- also, its one sided so its not technically shipping? idk i just dont ship niki x wilbur and i never will) but i only added the ships here for the sake of plot so uh yea-
> 
> thank you to vini and naii for the beta :D

**_December 12th, 2020_ **

“Oh please— you can’t even drive a car when you're playing an arcade game! Now you’re telling me you can drive a car in real life?” Wilbur stared in disbelief at his younger brother and his friend, who claimed that the blond of the duo could drive once the holiday break finished. 

Tubbo, ever the yes-man he is, nodded his head firmly after Tommy stared back at Wilbur with a deadpan look of _‘do I look like I’m joking, dickhead?'_

Wilbur sighed and grabbed his backpack from where it was dumped on the floor, forgotten.

“Well,” he dusted imaginary dust off his sweater which overlapped his uniform, “you two can go have fun daydreaming and imagining that would happen, just please don’t bother me. I have homework due in a few days —as do you,— and I have to make lyrics for the song for Tubbo’s birthday.” with a mere nod of his head, Wilbur left the two to their own accords.

Tommy looked at the retreating figure of his brother, then puffed out his chest and turned to Tubbo. “We’ll show him! I can and will be driving by the time school next year starts! Just watch me!” Tommy stuck out his tongue at an imaginary Wilbur, even though he knew the real Wilbur was probably already on his way to his and Niki’s shared dorm room.

“Yeah!” Tubbo pumped a fist in the air, “we’ll show them who’s the real big men here!” he yelled in excitement but was quickly shushed by a nearby senior, who happened to be Techno, Tommy’s older brother. 

And the man was _very_ intimidating.

The senior sported dark brown hair, with some streaks of red and pink mixed in, ruby-red eyes which came from his contacts, some squared glasses because he had trouble seeing most of the time and usually never smiled or had any emotion.

But that wasn’t why he was intimidating. While Wilbur may be the twin who’s the best with words, Techno was the twin who could defeat you with a single stare and was known for his violence whenever he saw someone get bullied or hurt by another student or a student council member.

Tubbo immediately shut up, dragging Tommy along with him by pulling his sleeve, causing the taller blond to send a confused and annoyed look to Tubbo, but the green-eyed teenager rolled his eyes and gestured to Techno then to his neck, then used his finger like a really sharp knife to make a line across- 

Okay, Tubbo underscore. Point taken, thank you very much.

Tommy sighed heavily and waved to Techno, who looked at them suspiciously before going the opposite way from where they were going, probably going to the library to email Phil.

**_December 14th, 2020_ **

Tubbo and Tommy were in History class, but they weren’t listening, instead bickering. They were reprimanded a few times by Bad, George, and Niki, but they still continued talking and arguing playfully about random things that came to their minds.

“Did you hear about the thing that happened with Professor Schlatt? I heard he-” Tommy started but was smacked upside the head by Professor Sam.

“Tommy, as much as I love you talking crap about tyrants and people who follow tyrants, could you please do it outside or after my class?” He said calmly, eyes boring holes into Tommy’s back.

“Well, Professor Sam-” Tommy started, but was once again shut up by Tubbo putting a hand on his mouth.

Tommy glared daggers at Tubbo, eyes wide and face red as he waved his arms around.

“Sorry, Professor. We’ll stop talking and listen to the lesson,” Tubbo waved to Sam with his free hand, a nervous smile on his face.

The rest of the students started whispering, but shut up when the man nodded to the boys and sent a look to the rest of the class.

Sam accepted it, and went back to the middle of the classroom, keeping an eye on the boys before continuing his lecture.

Once they were away from Sam’s line of sight, Tubbo removed his hand from Tommy’s mouth and breathed a sigh of relief.

The moment he could talk again, Tommy sent an annoyed and confused look to Tubbo, to which the bee lover sighed and gestured for Tommy to duck down so they could whisper.

“If I didn’t do that, you would have extra homework for the holidays, _and_ you must finish it on school premises so the professors know you aren’t cheating, so you’d basically be grounded here! Not to mention that you also have like, 2 stacks of homework due by the time the holidays are done, and the holidays last for 2 weeks, and learning to drive would take one and finding a school would take who knows how long!” Tubbo whisper-shouted, earning a look of ‘ _so? Who cares?_ ’ from Tommy, making Tubbo facepalm, “and I’m the dumb one,” he muttered under his breath.

“Point is,” he combed a hand through his hair, “if you earn more homework to do, you won’t be able to get a driver's license!” 

Tommy’s mouth opened in an ‘o’ shape, then he nodded. “Good point, Tubbo underscore,” he muttered then grabbed a book from his backpack to make it look like he ducked down to get it, not to whisper to Tubbo.

Sam shook his head as he looked at the duo.

**_December 16th, 2020_ **

“Well,” Tommy and Tubbo smiled sadly at each other, “I guess this is goodbye,” Tubbo wiped a tear that fell from the corner of his eye.

Techno groaned from the driver's seat of his car. “Tommy you’re going to see Tubbo in two days! Shut up and get in the car!” 

Tommy sighed, and yelled back, “Fuck you, Techno!” which rewarded him with a deadpan look from the older.

Tubbo stifled a laugh behind his hand, patting Tommy on the shoulder. “He’s right, Tommy. We’ll see each other in two days, nothing to worry about.” 

Tommy looked offended by that statement. “Tubbo, we haven’t been away from each other for more than 6 hours since _4th_ grade!”

Tubbo just grinned and said, “You’re over-exaggerating, we’ve been away from each other for longer.”

“But-” Tommy moved in to retort, but Techno honked the car horn for the 2nd time.

“Tommy I swear to god, if you don’t get in this car in the next 3 minutes, I’m leaving you here to walk back home.” 

Tommy made a pissed off noise, “Well, I’m being called. See you next time, Big T?” he looked to Tubbo again.

Tubbo gave him a small smile and said, “Yep,” popping the P.

“I’ll be in touch with you!” Tommy shouted to him as he started running to his brother’s car.

Tubbo laughed and waved, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.” he murmured under his breath as he watched Tommy get into the back seat of Techno’s car.

**_December 18th, 2020_ **

“Tommy,” Phil scolded, “I know you’re excited to see Tubbo, but that doesn’t mean you can just make a mess around the house as you please.”

“But Phil,” Tommy whined, “it’s been so long since we’ve talked to each other!”

“Not true,” Wilbur coughed from the other side of the room, holding a bag full of sweets he baked —or tried to— for Niki, “you literally texted last night,” 

“But we haven’t touched or seen each other in the past two days!” Tommy argued.

“Can you guys stop arguing and get going? I have a football match against Dream to win.” Techno asked, annoyed.

Tommy rolled his eyes and nodded his head. “Yeah yeah, I would hate to be the reason you missed a match against the student council president,” he replied, sarcasm dripping in his tone.

Wilbur and Phil sighed, shaking their heads. “Let's just go,” Phil grabbed his keys from the small table beside the door and ushered his kids outside.

There was a pregnant silence in the car, not comfortable yet not uncomfortable either.

Tommy was going to see his best friend for the first time in a few days without much communication,

Techno was going to be facing off against Dream in a match with a sport he wasn’t that familiar with, 

and Wilbur was going to ask Niki to become his girlfriend.

Yeah, fun reunion. Absolutely fun. Perfect. Amazing.

Once they were parked near Tubbo’s house, everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Phil looked at his boys, then shook his head. “It’s going to be fine, alright?” he turned his head around once he turned off the engine, making sure Tommy, Wilbur, and Techno nodded before he removed the car key from it’s holder.

The family of 4 stood in front of the medium-sized but homey looking house.

They vaguely heard the sound of breaking glass and shouting. Techno, Phil, and Wilbur glanced at each other for a moment before Tommy was dashing inside the house.

“Gods, why,” Phil muttered under his breath before he gestured for the twins to follow him inside.

Wilbur, who was too concerned for Niki to look where he was going, absent-mindedly bumped into Tommy.

The two fell to the floor, Tommy cursing and Wilbur making a small ‘oof’ sound.

Tommy has magically landed on top of Wilbur, causing the older to try to shake Tommy off him.

“Are you two alright?” A voice, a male voice, asked gently, hand extending to the duo on the floor.

Wilbur looked up to his savior and came face-to-face with the one and only Karl Jacobs.

Tommy jumped off of Wilbur with the help of Karl, and Wilbur breathed a sigh of relief as the weight on his back was lifted.

Wilbur was led to the nearby couch by Phil, and the musician rubbed his eyes as he took in his surroundings. 

There was a broken vase on the floor, a stressed and regretful looking George, a frustrated looking Dream and a concerned looking Sapnap stood atop it. The rest of the family were scattered around the living room, half of them looking worried for Wilbur and Tommy while the rest looking anxious for the vase.

“Wilbur, are you feeling well? Nothing bruised or hurt?” Niki’s worried voice came from his left.

Wilbur glanced at Niki and glanced at the sling bag on his shoulder where the sweets were kept, most likely unformed by now.

Wilbur sighed, and slowly nodded his head. “Yeah, I’m fine Niki.” he brushed off, closing his eyes.

Niki looked troubled but whispered something to Tubbo to which the brunette nodded to and guided Tommy to his room upstairs.

“What happened?” Phil asked, glimpsing around the main living room of the house.

Lani and Drista looked like they wanted to talk, but were silenced with a hand on both of their shoulders by Purpled.

“Well, basically, Dream and George came over for Dream’s match with Techno, and Karl and Sapnap came over because they wanted to watch the match. But as Dream was getting ready and looking for his helmet, George accidentally knocked down mother’s favorite vase because he was looking for Dream’s helmet as well. That vase is an antique and I don’t think it can be replaced. So they started arguing about it, and Sapnap got involved trying to cut out the argument. Then you guys came, so that’s about it.” Purpled explained, sounding unsure like he was trying to wrap his head around the situation himself.

Techno’s eyes landed on Dream, “Will he still be up for the match? And will he be okay?” he asked Purpled quietly. 

Purpled didn’t have the answer to that. “I’m not sure, Techno.” he simply said, taking it as his time to leave. Purpled excused himself from the father and son duo, opting to sit beside Lani as she babbled on about something related to school.

Drista placed a hand on Dream’s shoulder as he looked very distressed. “Dream, you know it wasn’t George’s fault; it was an accident,” she said sincerely, to which the man in question scoffed.

“Drista, how can you be sure? For all we know he could be lying and trying to get away with it!” Dream argued, oblivious to the hurt look that flashed on George’s face.

“Dream! Stop it! You’re making him cry!” Karl hissed as he took George into his arms, glaring daggers into the blond man.

Techno didn’t bother to listen to the rest as he closed his eyes. So much for the match; yet he couldn’t say he wasn’t worried for George and Dream’s relationship. George was a nice person overall and was the right man for someone like Dream; but he wasn’t sure Dream was the right man for George.

* * *

  
  
“You can’t be serious— you’re lying!” Tommy yelled at Tubbo, fists curled into balls and shaking.

“I am not, Tommy. This friendship is over, and I expect you to take college seriously now.” Tubbo stated, voice cold and monotone.

“You son of a— fuck you.” Tommy wanted to say so many things, wanted to yell and scream and thrash things, but in the end, Tubbo was right.

He had broken basically all the rules of the student council and the college’s cabinet, (multiple times) then set the gymnasium on fire, (to which he was let off easy because of the fact it wasn’t the first time someone committed arson on school grounds,) _and_ nearly killed a professor. (In his defense, Schlatt was insulting his Wilby so what else was he supposed to do?)

How could Tubbo say the discs don’t matter! They were the symbol of their friendship; the discs have been around since they met! They were the reason the two were even together, and now Tubbo was willing to throw it all away and trade the discs for the treatment of the bastard of a father to Tubbo named Schlatt, who was heavily injured by Tommy.

And they were drifting away because of an argument which happened when the two of them were texting in the car on Tommy's way there —who the fuck even argues about shit on a Discord DM anyway?— concerning their whole friend group. It only seemed like a matter of time before one of them would end it for good.

How did their friendship which has been built, reinforced, and strengthened for years end in a manner of 2 days?

“Get the fuck out of my house,” Tubbo pointed at the door, voice and body manner stable and strong. (He was internally dying and screaming in pain inside.)

“Fine!” Tommy seethed with anger, sparing one last furious glance at his now ex-best friend, and slammed the door shut.

Tommy ran down the stairs, mind, and body going into overdrive. 

What the _fuck_ had just happened?

He was immediately bombarded with questions from everyone excluding George, Dream, Sapnap and Karl, who were huddled in the corner, still looking like they needed some council, from Niki or Lani, perhaps.

 _“Tommy, what was that!”_ or _“What happened?”_ or the occasional “ _Are you okay?”_

“Hey… Tommy, can we talk?” Speak of the devil, —or the angel, whatever.— Niki placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

The blond boy turned to his sister-like figure. Niki had been wearing a hood earlier so he hadn’t seen it yet, but her usually blond and dark hair has been replaced by a dark-pinkish color, similar to the color of Techno’s streaks.

Tommy let his eyes take in the new appearance of one of his oldest friends and hugged her quickly.

She looked shocked for a moment before returning the hug, mumbling “ _it’s going to be okay, you’re going to be fine,”_ in his hair.

Tommy felt tears prickle in his eyes. He just lost his best and oldest friend. He wasn’t going to be fine.

Everyone stopped throwing questions left and right, instead taking the time to slowly bow their heads or look anywhere but at Tommy.

They knew would happen.

The discs were the source of all their problems, weren’t they?

Once Tommy pulled away from the hug, he swiped at his eyes quickly before nodding to everyone and pulling Techno by his sleeve to the car.

Techno complied easily, not saying a word as he led Tommy outside of the house.

Phil didn’t do anything except say, “The discs mean a lot to Tommy, you know? I’m not surprised he lashed out. He cares a lot about them, and he wouldn’t trade them in for anything in the world.” after making sure Tommy was out of line of sight.

The remaining members of the household nodded regretfully, yeah, they knew.

Phil rubbed his forehead. “Well, this will probably be the last time we’ll be seeing you in a while, so goodbye.” he waved to the family who waved sadly back and gestured for Wilbur to do the same. 

The musician didn’t want to accept it, but he had to. He handed the sweets to Niki with a sorrowful heart and hugged everyone before following his father outside the house.

Phil shut the door once Wilbur was outside, and led him to the car where Tommy was crying silently in the corner of the backseat while Techno looked tired.

He started the car and drove away without another word.

**_December 20th, 2020_ **

“Hey,” Wilbur started, sitting on Tommy’s bed. “this is the last day driving schools will be open, so you’re gonna have to move your ass if you want to get your driver's license.”

Tommy sighed, putting his face in his hands. “What's the point though, Wilbur? The reason I wanted to get that stupid driver's license in the first place was for Tubbo.”

Wilbur placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know you did, and you still do. If not for Tubbo, maybe for us?” he commented, voice gentle as he took in Tommy’s appearance.

The blond boy looked older and sicker than he actually was, usually bright blond hair now flat and dull, his usually bright blue eyes have lost their color that made them so bright, and his skin was paler than usual, the effect of not eating or coming out of his room for more than 24 hours.

Tommy sighed slowly, breath coming in small, short puffs. “Alright,” he managed, “but can you drive me there? I don’t want to feel more awkward than I already am.” 

Wilbur nodded, kissing his brother’s forehead. “I know how much time you spent studying how to drive and how to get a driver’s license. I promise, you will get the license by the end of today.” 

Tommy nodded in appreciation. “Thanks, Wilby,” he mumbled. 

“No problem, Toms,” Wilbur replied, hugging Tommy to his chest, then hesitating for a few minutes before sitting up and excusing himself from the room.

The blond boy exhaled sharply, bringing his knees up to his chest.

Wilbur was right. He spent too much time learning the basics of driving to give up now. If he wouldn’t do it for Tubbo, he would do it for his brother.

Tears fell down his cheeks not for the first time today. 

_‘It’s time to get off my ass and start being the big man I am.’_ he thought to himself.

“Tommy! I’ll be waiting in the car for you!” Wilbur yelled from down the stairs and Tommy absent-mindedly yelled an “Alright!” back. 

He heard the soft click of the front door symbolizing Wilbur exiting the house, then stood up with one goal he needed to accomplish, and started looking for a decent hoodie and jeans.

* * *

“Good luck,” Wilbur said softly, a small smile on his lips as Tommy smiled back from outside the school where he would be taking his test.

“Thanks, Wil.” Tommy chirped, voice as soft as Wilbur’s as if they were in their own little world and didn’t want anybody else in it.

With Tommy’s nod of assurance, Wilbur locked the doors to the car and started driving to the nearest Starbucks to wait for Tommy.

* * *

  
  
Tommy stared in disbelief at the piece of paper in his hands, eyes flickering to the receptionist then to the driving school teacher then to the license in his hands again.

“Is—Is this real? I’m not dreaming?” Tommy stuttered to the teacher, a kind woman in her 50’s, with long red hair and striking blue-green eyes.

“You aren’t, Mr. Simons. You passed the test and are now able to legally drive.” The receptionist said, voice as straight as her back.

Ms. Aria, —as she insisted Tommy call her— nodded and smiled brightly. Oh how her smile looked so bright and innocent like Tubbo’s— no, Tommy. Tubbo doesn’t care about you. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts as someone snapped their fingers in front of him. “Hello, Tom? ‘You still here?” the woman asked, voice gentle as she waited until his eyes cleared again and settled on her.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “just something’s been on my mind for a while,”

She nodded sympathetically, “It’s okay to have those thoughts, you know. I talked with your brother earlier and he said some bad things happened to you and your friend,” 

Tommy looked up to her in surprise, “Wilbur’s here?”

Ms. Aria didn’t say anything, except grin once they heard heavy footsteps against the marble floor.

Suddenly, long, thin and warm arms surrounded Tommy. (Was it Tubbo coming to apologise and try to rekindle their friendship?)  
  
“Oh, Tommy!” the voice of the one who hugged him piped, dragging out the end.

“Guess who it is,” the smile was evident in the tone of the voice.

Tommy didn’t move, didn’t breathe, suddenly feeling claustrophobic.

“...Tubbo?” he whispered, eyes closing.

The arms around him disappeared, making him able to breathe again, but he came face-to-face with Wilbur.

The musician didn’t say anything, except opened his arms out, an understanding look on his face.

Tommy let a few tears out of his eyes as he ran into his big brother’s hug, the hug warm and gentle.

Wilbur patted Tommy’s back, not moving from his spot until a few moments later.

“Hey, we should get going. Phil’s expecting us back home.” 

Tommy nodded, breaking away from the embrace. He smiled to Ms. Aria and the receptionist —Sara, his mind supplied,— who gladly returned the smile.  
  
“It was a pleasure being your instructor, Tom.” The elder woman said, hand stretched out for the blond teen to grasp.

Tommy shook her hand. “It was a pleasure being your student, Aria.” he returned.

“Remember, you have mine and Sara’s numbers if anything wrong happens,” she reminded, a smile on her aging face but there was a serious tone to her voice.

Tommy nodded again, and with the nod of understanding from Aria and Sara, he followed Wilbur outside the building.

**_December 23rd, 2020_ **

_Two days until Christmas. Two days until I see if everyone I know still remembers and doesn’t hate me._

_No doubt Tubbo wouldn’t be the happiest to see me, but I can’t help but feel like there’s still hope that he still cares about me. I know I would be an idiot to think that, but every time I try to forget Tubbo, something painful crashes in my heart._

_I know I should move on and call it a day, but I guess I care for him too much to let go._

_._

_Why am I writing in this stupid journal or diary or whatever it's called again?_

_Oh right, because Ranboo introduced the idea and Wilbur made sure it came true._

_Sometimes I really hate those guys._

_Well, I guess writing down my thoughts on a piece of paper or a book which I can throw away without anyone noticing is cool._

_I don’t know what to write anymore, so this is the end of my first entry, I guess._

_-Tommy, Big T, TommyTrusty, Big T Danger Innit_

Looking at the slightly wrinkled piece of paper with his mind written down on it, he hesitated to throw it in the chimney with a newly lighted fire.

In the end, he didn’t throw it. He might as well start filling up a book with the shit he wanted to remember like Ranboo because he is TommyInnit and he can do whatever the hell he wants.

The perfect paper didn’t deserve a harsh and brash writer for its too soft pages such as Tommy; well, at least that’s what the blue-eyed blond thought as he made up his mind and retreated to his room.

**_December 25th, 2020_ **

_I’m writing this at 1:09 AM on Christmas day. I just wanted to vent a little and put down all the stuff on my mind so that I have at least a semi-clear mind later._

_I truly do hope that Tubbo would reconcile with me. I know, I know, it’s stupid, I’ve said it so many times before, but it’s all I wish for before I sleep._

_I might be an atheist, but right now I wish God was real so that he could bring me and Tubbo back together again._

_I have gifts for everyone, including Drista. She deserves something nice after all the shit that has happened to her this year._

_I just hope they will accept my gifts,_ _Tubbo the most_ _._

_I’ll write what happens later. But for now, I need to sleep because Phil is looking if we are sleeping. God, he’s such an old man._

With a sigh and the click of the lock of the journal signaling it was locked, Tommy put it beside his nightstand and lay down to try to get some rest.

* * *

  
  
_It’s 2 PM on Christmas day; we just got back from spending (could you call it that?) it at Tubbo’s residence._

_Why did I expect anything different? We rang the doorbell, waited for an answer, but instead got the cold shoulder from everyone except the girls and Purpled._

_They promised they would send the gifts to their rightful owners, and thanked us for the gifts._

_I think they were just trying to not make it awkward._

_It didn’t matter because we left shortly anyway._

_What did I do wrong?_

_  
_ _  
_ _Techno, Phil, Wilbur, and Niki tell me I didn’t do anything wrong, it's just how I am._

_But if the way I am drives everyone away from me, should I just be someone else?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Maybe I should. Maybe Tubbo would be friends with me again that way._

_But I know how much my family would hate that. They love me for who I am, but sometimes I don’t want to be myself._

_Also, I tried visiting George’s house; he didn’t answer. I tried Sapnap and Karl’s, no answer again. Everyone I know is either related to Tubbo or lives far away from me._

_I left gifts at their doorsteps, hoping that the gifts would at least be noticed by them and not thrown out or stolen._

_I’m slowly driving everyone away from me. Hell, even my own family doesn’t really talk to me anymore save for Wilbur._

_I think I’m happier now because of that._

_I think I’m happier now that I don’t have to hide behind a fake facade of happiness._

_I don’t even know anymore._

_All I wanted and still want is for someone to love and care for me and not backstab me when I least expect or need it._

_Techno’s taking me car shopping as a Christmas gift now —how the hell is that man so rich—, so this marks the end of this entry._

_Thank you for listening, journal._

_-Tommy, Big T, TommyTrusty, DangerInnit_

He hoped no one would see this entry in particular. He wouldn’t want to burden them with his useless thoughts.

He rubbed his forehead, feeling a growing headache.

Maybe the excitement of getting his first car will drive it off, pun not intended.

**_December 27th, 2020_ **

_Techno got me a Prius. We signed the papers earlier. I never knew he was so rich. He said, “It’s your first car, so start with something small.”_

_  
_ _I don’t know why everyone in my family babies me. I’m 16 for Christ’s sake!_

_Me getting a big car wouldn’t be a big deal. But Tech’s right, it’s my first car so I shouldn’t be expecting anything big._

_I’m grateful he even bothered to._

_And I found out something today._

_Phil will be leaving for work for the next 6 or 7 months. He’ll be leaving in 2 days._

_Techno will be going to college abroad, for some reason he won’t tell us. It’s the same college (or same administration and studies), except I’ll be in the UK while Techno in some other country which isn’t the UK._

_He’s leaving in 2 days as well for an early flight._

_And Wilbur? He’s done with college. He officially dropped out of college yesterday because he didn’t want to relive all his good memories with our friends. By the way, our friends officially broke up with us after we left. They did it over text on our group chat. Was it the gifts? Wilbur was heartbroken the most because he just lost his best friends and crush in one day._

_He’s going to a school to study how to become an international singer in America in 2 days._

_So, that means I’ll be all alone._

_Phil, Techno, and Wilbur don’t want to leave me. Phil’s thinking of retiring from his job just to spend more time with us, but I won’t let that happen. I convinced him not to once me and Tech came back from car shopping._

_Techno’s very close to dropping out of college just to stay with me as well. I talked —more like fought with him until he promised he wouldn’t drop out of his studies— to him; he’s studying abroad. I’m not happy about it, but if Techno’s dreams are pursued, it’s worth it._

_Wilbur— god, it was like convincing a child to eat vegetables. He’s the most stubborn man I’ve ever met, and I have met a lot of stubborn people. I got Phil and Techno to team up with me against him to convince Wilbur that he should chase his goal because that’s what I would want for him._

_And it’s true. All I want for my family is to be happy and get the things they want in life because they deserve it for putting up with me alone._

_Wilbur is going to leave me one of his infamous yellow sweaters. It’s too big for me. Damn you and your too kind and sappy heart, Wilbur. It wasn’t laundered for the sake of me still being able to scent Wilbur’s scent if I miss him too much. God, that’s disgusting and cheesy, Phil._

_Techno is going to be leaving me his first book. From kindergarten. And it’s about Maths; I really hate that subject. That might sound weird or too boring, but if you are talking about Technoblade, it’s basically impossible to borrow or steal a book from him. He never shared or gave me or Wilbur anything as we grew up, so this is a miracle._

_Phil isn’t leaving me anything, but he promises he will bring me stuff he finds when he’s going to be working home. He said I could go in and out and even grab things from his room as I please, as long as I return it without any damage after. Growing up being banned from your dad’s room and suddenly being allowed in it is weird._

_But the only thing I want while they’re away is for them to remember me and not backstab me like our old friends did._

_It’s stupid to think about. I know, I know. I just feel paranoid lately, don’t really know why._

_I have to go out and buy some crap for Techno now, so this is the end of this_ _vent_ _entry._

 _  
_ _I know I say this every time I make an entry, but thank you for listening, journal._

_-Tommy, Big T, #1 Jschlatt Hater —as dubbed by Technoblade—, Gremlin Child —as dubbed by Phil—, Bitch Boy —as dubbed by Wilbur—_

He didn’t know why he had to put the annoying nicknames his family gave him on this particular entry; maybe he just doesn’t want them to be lost to the wind which eats up all his memories in his brain.

“Tommy, hurry up! We’re behind schedule!” Techno reminded _—_ quite loudly, by the way _—_ , voice impatient.

Tommy groaned and hid his head in his hands, journal forgotten on his bed. “Coming, Techno!” he yelled back, standing up and grabbing some pocket money from his nearby table.

**_December 29th, 2020_ **

Tommy awoke at 5:30 AM exactly, his iPhone alarm ringing loud in his ear despite it being a good few inches away.

He yawned as he sat up in his bed, rubbing the sleep from his bleary and tired eyes. 

He reached for his phone which was still blasting Able Sisters as his alarm. The tired boy clicked the snooze button.

Tommy sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them and deciding to downstairs to greet his family a good morning before they left. This was his last chance to talk to them.

His feet padded down the stairs very softly, not wanting to wake anyone up if they were still asleep.

“Good morning,” Phil greeted quietly, hand nursing a cup of freshly brewed coffee in the dining room.

He saw Techno and Wilbur also sitting in the dining too, out of the corner of his eye. Wilbur was drinking hot cocoa and Techno was drinking some coffee as well.

“‘morning,” he responded just as softly.

Tommy noticed everyone but him was wearing outside clothes, looking regretful and unsure about things.

“Hey,” he tried to catch their attention, making a small smile he knew they knew was forced, “I’ll be alright.” 

As if a dam of tension broke, the 3 men rushed to Tommy and engulfed him in a big bone-crushing hug, drinks left forgotten on the table.

“We’re sorry we have to leave you,” Techno apologized, usually intimidating eyes now sad and vulnerable.

“We can stay here if you want, the offer’s still on the table,” Wilbur commented, eyes hopeful. 

Why? It was _their_ dreams and pride that was being crushed if he told them to stay.

“No,” Tommy responded, “I love you guys, —I really do,— but it’s your dreams and futures I’m shattering if you stay. I’ll be fine. Remember, I’m only a video call away,” he smiled bitterly.

“But if we leave, you have no one.” Phil huffed, but it was weak.

“Not true, I have Big Q and Ranboo and Fundy,” he quipped, the unspoken _if they stay_ hanging in the air menacingly.

Wilbur sighed, hugging Tommy closer to his chest, “just remember, I’ll always be here for you.” the curly-haired man murmured in his little brother’s hair.

Tommy nodded. “I promise I will, Wilby,” he noticed a drop of liquid splash down onto his pajama top. “Please don’t cry,” he pleaded to everyone who seemed to be wanting to break down.

They shook their heads, “We’re sorry, Toms, it’s just—” Phil tried, cutting himself off as a new mini-wave of tears fell down his face. “Gods, I can’t even talk,” he chuckled sourly.

Techno put a hand on his shoulder, “point is, Tommy, we’re saying goodbye for the next half a year.” 

Tommy turned his head away, “I know,” he muttered under his breath.

“Please,” Techno continued, “just promise us you’ll be okay? We love and care for you so much, Tommy,” 

Tommy looked at them again and nodded slowly, “I promise.” 

Wilbur exhaled, checking his watch then whispering something to Phil.

Phil looked at Wilbur in surprise and in slight denial, shaking his head. Wilbur nodded, quite sadly.

Phil combed a hand through his messy hair, “Techno, we have to go now if we want to catch our respective rides on time.” he said.

Techno looked like he wanted to intervene, but didn’t, instead hugged Tommy one more time.

Tommy had an understanding look on his face and a bittersweet smile on his cheeks.

“Go,” he encouraged gingerly. “I love you guys.” 

“We’ll call you once we’re settled in our planes and ships, alright?” Wilbur asked, but it was more of a statement. Tommy gave him a thumbs up and a smile.

With one final big hug and a few kisses here and there, Phil, Wilbur, and Techno left their house for the last time for over a year.

Tommy blew out a breath heavily as he saw their car driving away, and closed his eyes tightly. This was it. 

He was not going to have physical contact with his family for the next half a year or longer. 

He didn’t bother hiding his tears and wails of pain as he fell down to the floor.

* * *

Tommy must have fallen asleep, as the sun was shining brightly through the curtains, and there was no trace of the rain which was heavily pouring earlier.

He rubbed his face, feeling the dried up tear tracks on his cheeks. 

The blue-eyed blond turned to the big window which showed the outside world, and glanced at the garage where his Prius was parked, probably collecting some dust from not being used in 2 days.

Tommy stood up and headed to his room to get dressed up. He was going to be driving around the neighborhood to try to release some of his stress, and if he bumps into anyone in his class, well, he would probably get a panic attack and punch them in the face.

But he was going to do that later in the afternoon, probably at 6 PM. He needed some well-deserved rest and wanted some alone time after everything that happened to him in the past 5 days.

Tommy didn’t want to change out of his pajamas just yet, he wanted to watch a movie or catch up on his favorite series on Netflix. Anything to pass the time. 

In the end, he decided to watch some old recordings that Phil and Drista had recorded when he and Tubbo were still friends.

That made him cry for over 30 minutes; not really pog.

After balling his eyes out for the umpteenth time that day, he just put on a random series which was on his home page, —probably Wilbur forgetting whose account he was currently logged into— and listened to it with his mind somewhere else.

* * *

  
  


He looked around his wardrobe and found an old sweater George had got him as a joke. It was a bright green with long sleeves and a big hood. It had a small pocket just above his heart, and Dream’s signature blob which he uses in most of his profiles is holding a heart peeked out from inside the pocket.

He didn’t have many outfits in there, —he basically only had his signature red and white shirt which he laundered every day yet didn’t bother to iron, his uniforms and some other articles of clothing Wilbur and Niki forced him to buy— so the Dream blob sweater it is.

He found some old classic Levi’s jeans Quackity had donated —more like shoved in his arms and pressured him into keeping them— to him after Tommy told him that most of his jeans were getting too small for him, and checked it out in the mirror to see if it still fit.

It still fit him like it was bought yesterday.

He doesn’t know why he hoped it wouldn’t.

* * *

  
  
Tommy’s brain has been failing him, apparently. 

Why? Because he didn’t remember there was a gala at his school to celebrate the yule.

You couldn’t blame him, per se, it was announced yesterday at 9 PM on the school’s Instagram page, and he was still trying to get his thoughts unscrambled as the news of his family leaving was so sudden.

And he didn’t really check out any of the school’s social media platforms, instead preferring to have his friends tell him the news. Yet no one told him, because all of his friends have either left him or are basically ignoring his existence after what Tubbo told them.

He knew; he wasn’t an idiot, though some believed otherwise. He knew Tubbo told his and Dream’s side of the story and made their whole friend group —minus Ranboo who was currently neutral— hate him. They broke up with him and his family on a Discord DM — what the hell is it with his ex-friends and breaking his heart on a DM instead of face-to-face? Maybe they just spared him the heartbreak. Heartbreak he would feel once they told him they would cut off ties with him, Techno, and Wilbur and they would have to feel pity for him. He knew they weren’t going to pity him, they were just going to leave him in pain and denial.

So yeah, his brain’s been failing him.

He was currently out in the neighborhood, driving around in his Prius with no specific goal in his mind.

The gala was starting in an hour and 30 minutes, so he could always go home to get ready and attend it if he wanted, but he decided against it.

He didn’t want to be the sore loser who attended the gala alone, without friends, family or a date. No doubt Tubbo and Niki would be going together as family, Dream and George as a couple, Karl and Sapnap as a couple, and the list goes on and on…

If Wilbur and Techno were here, they would try to convince him to go with them as family, but when Tommy put his foot down and stubbornly proclaimed he wouldn’t be going, just spend the day with the blond in bed cuddling and maybe watching one of Wilbur’s cheesy movies for the heck of it.

But they weren’t here; Techno was off in America continuing his studies, and Wilbur was in some fancy singer school pursuing his dream to be known as a musician.

So, he would just spend the rest of the night driving around and maybe getting some Starbucks until his gas went down and he had to refill. 

* * *

  
  
Tommy eventually got bored of driving around his home and decided to park in an old, abandoned, sketchy bookstore parking lot. He would bring Tubbo, Lani and Purpled here after a walk whenever they needed new books for research for their studies or just because they wanted to read a new book.

He brought out his phone from his small Minecraft backpack which he skillfully hid under the seat, turning on his mobile data and deciding to scroll through his Instagram feed.

It was nice, seeing pictures of Quackity’s cat, pictures of Ranboo spinning in his chair, and pictures of Karl chugging down a lot of cans of energy juice or something.

Yet, Tommy regretted it once he saw the photos of the people he used to call friends at the gala.

Tubbo looked absolutely amazing in his suit, a cleanly laundered and ironed 2-piece, a white undershirt, and a pocket with a green handkerchief folded neatly into a triangle.

His hair was it’s usual curly, messy self, yet it looked immaculate in the lights of the gala.

He was smiling and waving brightly to the camera with his left hand and in his right a glass of punch.

He was sitting beside Niki, who was also waving to the camera with both of her hands, her smile bright and pearly.

She had a knee-length strawberry dress, pink hair pulled up into twin buns.

He scrolled past that one, nearly tearing up at how carefree and happy Tubbo looked.

He next saw a picture of Karl and Quackity, the two of them wearing 3 piece suits with matching blue and black ties, Karl’s jacket was grey, buttoned down with the black-tie while Quackity’s was a black jacket buttoned halfway with a blue tie and his signature beanie.

The two were giving a big thumbs up to the camera —Sapnap must have been the one to take it—, and Tommy smiled bittersweetly when he remembered there was a time when he was the one taking the photo.

He felt a few tears drip onto his phone screen, and wiped them away with tired and nimble fingers.

He was crying _again._ Damn it.

Tommy turned off the engine of his car and grabbed his phone with him as he opened the car door and sat down on the steps to the driver's seat.

He let the wind hit him in the face, trying to make the tears disappear.

He sat down with his knees to his chest as he slowly breathed in and out, hand clenching around the phone.

“Tommy?” Tommy looked up at the sound of his name, and wiped his tears quickly before whoever was calling him could see.

“Ranboo…?” he muttered, eyes widening as he saw it was indeed, Ranboo. Ranboo who was funny, kind, helpful, and just an honest-to-god joy, was standing in front of him instead of hanging out with everyone else at the gala.

The brunette nodded, his dual-colored mask forming a shape which resembled a smile.

“You didn’t think I would just leave you, did you, Tommy?” he teased, voice playful as he opened his arms.

Tommy couldn’t do anything but smile an “of course not, dipshit,” as he ran into his friend’s arms.

“I got you, I won’t ever leave you, even if a thousand men are against me, against **us** , I would never leave you” Ranboo rubbed his back, and all of a sudden, a wall broke.

He didn’t have to hide anymore.

He didn’t have to sulk in his own misery anymore.

He didn’t have to be alone anymore.

But most of all, he had a friend he could put his trust in again.

He knew Ranboo pretty well, despite him being new to the school and to the UK. And Tommy _knew_ the taller brown haired teen was anything but a liar.

“Thank you,” Tommy whispered into Ranboo’s suit, not one made for galas and parties, instead the usual one he wore. The suit that made Ranboo, well, _Ranboo._

“Don’t worry, Tommy. I’m here for you. Your trust may be fragile right now, but I promise, I’ll be with you until you decide you hate me.” Ranboo whispered into the hug, and Tommy would trade in all of his money and his objects and even his discs just for Ranboo to stay.

He didn’t care that they were crying in public right now, he only cared he had someone he could actually call a friend after everything that happened.

(And Ranboo freaking out when Tommy told him he could drive literally made the blond’s week. He would definitely make sure Ranboo never forgot the way his voice sounded when he literally panicked because he thought Tommy would kill the both of them when they were heading home by Tommy driving them in his Prius.)

**Author's Note:**

> i’ll probably make this a series but idk 
> 
> also, on the part where it says tommys an atheist, its part of this au because technos an atheist so i was like ‘imma just do that for plot points-’; im not sure if the real tommy is an atheist sorry :(
> 
> congrats to me for making a 2k+ word fic in one chapter for the first time in my life 👏
> 
> this took me a week to make wtf-
> 
> i cant believe how much plot bunnies i stuffed into this fic, it was only supposed to be 1k words of probably angst but no it became over 5k+ words of random things i came up with as i wrote kjhdgykpsjohiguewy
> 
> thank you so much to sleepy who was my therapist when i was writing this, niki, sap, henry and meiu who just gave me motivation to finish this and vini who basically made me hate uwu-
> 
> thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! :]


End file.
